Mental Model

The constant appetite for wanting more and something new is a life of unhappiness. Once you acquire what you desire, you return to the dissatisfied state. Your work life may not be ideal right now, but be grateful you have a job and source of income. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Experience peace and happiness by learning to want what you already have.

Summary

  • What you will learn – a technique to curb your emotional appetite of wanting more and more.
  • Why it’s important – when you chase things you don’t have, you spend valuable time and energy acquiring those things only to then return to a dissatisfied state. That time is better served working on your craft and career goals.
  • The outcome – a grateful state for what you already have.

Overview of the Law

In his book, A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy, William B. Irvine shares a phenomenon called hedonic adaptation. It’s a process by which people find themselves on a satisfaction treadmill due to their insatiability and boredom to constantly want more. This often leads to unhappiness and the destruction of relationships, financial health, and apathy in the workplace. Once someone fulfills the object of their desire, their life “adapts” to this new state and the desirability fades. People return to the same dissatisfied state (or even lower) before fulfilling the desire they believed would bring happiness. This leads us to a fundamental idea we must learn and continually practice each day:

“The easiest way for us to gain happiness is to learn how to want the things we already have” – William B. Irvine

The technique to mitigate hedonic adaptation is called negative visualization. It’s the conscious thought of imagining that we have lost the things we value. The loss of a relationship, the job you once loved, or the death of a loved one. This can prevent the slow, unconscious process of adaption to a life we did not envision. A state that leads us to take people, our health, and possessions for granted. That insatiable desire for the latest gadget, fancy clothing to impress others, or the fantasy of an unethical relationship that alters us off the path we have set for ourselves. It can be elusive and hard to detect because it occurs in small doses over time.

Hedonic adaptation also impacts our careers. We are lucky to land the job we wanted but over time we can become frustrated with our responsibilities, colleagues and look for reasons to complain. This leads us to start the search all over again to a greener pasture that may not exist. Embrace the amazing job you have and take accountability to deliver value before moving on to your next gig. This will drive fulfillment and credibility instead of wasting energy and valuable time. Organizations and people will evaluate you based on the impact you delivered in your last job.

Counterbalancing hedonic adaptation requires mindful discipline. Pause throughout a busy day and reflect on all you do have and the possibility of losing it all. The activities you enjoy, the freedom of movement, and the quality times you share with people in your life. Look for the goodness in a relationship and why you value their companionship. Value your car for what it is – transportation, instead of seeking a new one to give you social status that nobody cares about. Learning to want what you already have is a mental state within your control. Don’t put off something to tomorrow what you can do today. That opportunity may not be there tomorrow.

“All things human, are short-lived and perishable.” – Seneca

This positive mindset frees us from the pleasure treadmill and taking joy in things external to ourselves. This mindset motivates us to make the most of each day. Embracing the goodness in our lives and what we already have, helps us remain focused on our unique path. The days of our career journey are numbered. You have everything you need right now to realize remarkable achievement. Now get going.

Directives

1 – Imagine You Lost Your Valuables.

Think about the possessions you cherish.

Feel the loss of them being stolen.

Resist the temptation to want more – the treadmill is exhausting.

2 – Imagine You Lost Your Job.

Feel the emotional rejection of losing your job.

Feel the anxiety of your lost income.

Feel the instability of your life.

Is the job you worked so hard to get worth your complaining?

3 – Imagine You Lost Those You Love.

Envision not seeing that special person again.

Imagine the things you wish you had said.

Think about how you should have made time for them.

Embrace and value what you have with them today.

Silently remind yourself that this may be the final parting when saying good-bye to a friend or loved one.

4 – Choose Complete Control.

Spend time and energy on the things you control.

Define and embrace your values.

Master control of your character.

Set internal goals, not external goals.

5 – Embrace the Goodness of Today.

Imagine something bad happening to you.

Feel the goodness that today is not that day.

Embrace today, as we are not guaranteed tomorrow.

Experiment With This

  • Adopt a minimalist lifestyle by reducing your possessions. Go through your closet to identify clothes you have not worn in a year and sell them or donate to charity.
  • Do not bring something new into your house unless something else is removed
  • Practicing negative visualization each day by imagining something you during the day or value will not be there tomorrow. What am I taking for granted in my life? Who in my life deserves a call or visit?
  • What are the times when I continued to want more? What are the implications?

Resources

A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William B. Irvine

  • Chapter 4 – Negative Visualization
  • Chapter 15 – Personal Values On Luxurious Living